thank you

in that same course, we get hurt and we hurt the person we love in the process of loving.









eh ganun talaga, that is how it works! it is not all perks. we have to hurt and be hurt so that it works and for it to be real.









i've been hurting too all this time. now that your are feeling the pain of longing and struggling over letting go, i am hurting more for you. almost dying.









until i am ready to fall and trust again. and invest again. and believe again that love and loving is good and that life is the ultimate gift despite what is has done to our innocence, i shall have to keep my peace.









thank you for staying and keeping our pain and idea of loving real and real. :)

remembering samson

when was the last time you fell in love? so in love you almost lost yourself in the spinning love relationship.

there are many different forms of love. no matter how short or tragic or selfish that love is, regardless of hope and commitment,that love for me is still true love on its own. every piece of love is true love because love is indefinite. it cannot be measured. for to measure it is to define it and to define it is to limit it, but love is beyond that. and that is where the magic of love, loving and being loved in return thrives.

i am reminded of a love relationship that is beyond the confines of one who can understand it. and the Bible never mentioned it. not even once. :)

resolution

the world is full of busy people going about with each of their own engagements trying to prove their legitimate space on this side of the universe.


it is a vast place. but i seem not to care.


amidst the space, traversing up and down and even idling at life's pit stops, i got my own anticipations,longings and disengagements to resolve.


i am alone but i am still positive of your coming. meanwhile, life continues for me.with all these busy people passing by me and through my smallest knit of flesh, i am still alive.


and i am pressing on.

that pill

love is like a drug. it keeps u addicted for some time.it is almost like a mantra that commands you to do things.

it is like the powder that you want to take in first thing in the morning like coffee for that morning caffeine rush because you can't start your day without it.

it is like that capsuled supplement you choose to take to fill in the lack of essentials you missed in a day.

it is almost like a last-song syndrome that strikes you through a song which you can't get over with hence you hum or sing it over and over again,despite the bad tune.

love is so addictive that it controls your thoughts, mood and even decisions.you value it more than your religion. it can also be very manipulative if you are caught off-guard. cause love like a drug is a trap.

but there is something about addiction that does not last long.


it is the temporary happiness that you find in the drug. you enjoy the trade and the perks that comes along with it but you see you have to end it where, because the happy feeling does not make you feel good about yourself anymore.its the feeling that makes you sick with that peculiar feeling of wanting to get over it.

the pain can be very excruciating. though the pain of still craving will kill in the process,you will soon realize that you can actually live less and less of it each day. until you wake up, you don't want it anymore.you won't miss it anymore.

until you find yourself one day realizing that you don't even recognize that same old feeling anymore.

ranting01

if i almost got fired today because i messed up my job, if i just needed somebody to actually come up to me and ask me if i am ok and still hanging on, if i just thought life sucked for me today, if i have skipped dinner because i needed to finish late at work, if my boss doubted if i am really capable of delivering it, if i just needed a friend and a listener to breathe out my woes.. but no one asked, not even you.i have just become familiar face. and this hurts a lot worse than cool-off or break up.i just stopped existing today.

*Hadto (Yesterday )

pahinungod para hadto han pagtikang.
paghinumdum hadton tinikangan. :)


(reliving how it started, recollecting how it begun.) :)

looking back

i had a full year of roller coaster adventures and misadventures. some parts of the year were all fun and happiness while some parts were so trying and pounding i almost gave up on so many things : work,life and you.


but in the end, i realized my life is not really that full of misfortune after all. i had soooo many blessings in fact. though most of it came after every tearful situation.


life is so beautiful. i can't just easily give up on it. why do i need to try hard winning over it when nobody has ever came out of it alive, anyway. (jokes)


life is a gift. and so the year that was - 2009.


hence im still here. living, loving and learning it every way i can.




“How do you measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets,
In midnights, in cups of coffee.
In inches, in miles,
In laughter, in strife.
In 525,600 minutes.
How do you measure
A year in the life?
How about love?”

—JONATHAN LARSON, Rent

kape, ikaw at ako

sometimes in life, there are bonds formed that can never be broken. these bonds experience tarnishing sometimes but gets even lustier and brighter after being polished by tests in forms of temptations and adversities.




such bonds are found in your best friend you met in the college library or the one you sat beside with in Grade 5 and whom you shared your early pubescent secrets: crushes, early disappointments, proud childhood ambitions depicting what you wanted to become when you grow up.



some bonds luckily turn into lifetime commitments like the ones you share with your spouse through marriage while some just opt to commence it in rather non-conventional forms of mutual adult understanding.




in the course of time, when life's demands carry you away from the one you love, these bonds will remind you that you have a best friend, a soul mate, a loyal partner and home to find tranquility, all along.



as for me, i think i will have a lifetime bond with coffee. i have my favorite way of mixing up my morning drink booster. i even have my dosage of a cup of coffee anytime of the day i crave for it, during breakfast, just before lunch, in a lazy afternoon break or even at night when i need to finish a project and just cant start up my motor running.





a cup of coffee had been my solace and my secret weapon at the same time. when i am mad, a cup of coffee can keep me company in a corner. Every sensual retreat of my lips to the brim of the cup for that little quiet sip brings therapeutic soothing to my bruised ego and cursed pride.

when i am unfocused, the aroma in the cold air snaps me back to reality.

when i am about to call it quits for the day, a mere hold to the warm cup brings equal warm sensation to my palms and delivers rejuvenation for yet another game with life. total bliss.insurmountable feeling.




and as i continue to sojourn to this so called life or traverse the unfamiliar thoroughfare, i think i will be able to take the turns after every corner as long as i have a cup of coffee with me, to get me by and by.








*amelia pc,staffh, doctian at flickr.com

the morning after

No, I did not wake up at the wrong side of the bed to be pounding on the computer keyboard so early in the morning. I think I had a bad night. So bad that I could not find the most appropriate adjective to describe it.





There had been pretty bad nights before but that of last night was different. I did not feel pain when my longtime partner of three years punched me thrice on my face from a heated argument over being a virtual gallivant. Maybe I was fusing with so much jealousy and anger that I could not feel the pain then.



And because it was a bad night, lingering on the bed would only prolong whatever excruciating pain I was harboring. I often wake up late on Saturdays but my tummy sent synapse to my brain that it needed food already so I had to get up and do some rituals. How could I be hungry so early in the morning? Is it really my tummy or my bruised ego again that is in wanting?





There had been many ‘mornings- after’ complications already in the past couple of months. What makes this one different?



Two buttered-chicken breasts, a slice of mocha cake and a glass of icy cola – cold leftovers from last night’s party for a friend. Cold rubbish from the fridge but I thought that will do for now.





*kjcoud & forgottendaiz at flickr.com

Restroom for Bading

I spent my worthwhile weekend in a secluded beach resort somewhere down south of Leyte. It is at the most tip of the Leyte island and bathed by the blue open ocean so that big waves smash into enticing surf to the black sandy shore. There are also huge rock formations that display artistic boulders I almost indulged a raw rock climb if not for the risk of being hit by the waves.






I stayed at Kuting Reef Beach Resort. The resort is ultimately the best place to sojourn to in Southern Leyte if you need to relax and run away from the hurly-burly of a cosmopolitan life. Private casitas for romantic accomodations and cabanas designed for barkadas or families of almost impeccable choice of interior are nestled amidst the coco grove. A huge “quiet zone” signboard makes the cogon-roofed resting abodes a sacred mecca where no one makes unnecessary noise but the symphony of coconut leaves dancing to whistle of the sea breeze and boisterous waves.





The resort can very well compete with Tambuli in Cebu. And I would not retract that.

I also adore the boardwalk that almost resembles the coffee shops in the streets of Paris, cozy and romantic at dusk.


I was also personally enthralled when I checked the clean and fragrant restrooms in the resto and discovered that between the restrooms for the women and men lies another separate restroom which was marked “Bading”.

I could have not mistaken it for a storage room labelled as such. I knew it was a restroom alright. And it was dramatically situated between the usual restrooms I would find in resorts and hotels. I was struck laughingly. And I thought it was politically appropriate.

Intrigued as I was, I asked the receptionist as to why did the resort came up with the wild idea of building a separate restroom for the pink patrons. She divulged promptly “ Kasi Sir madami kaming mga bading na clients lalo na ung mga galing sa Japan.” I knew she was referring to our transexual Pinoy entertainers in Japan who had undergone sex organ transplant and might need enough room for their very personal restroom rituals of some sort. Apparently, there are plenty of whom in the Bisayan speaking parts of the island province of Leyte.

Collectively, I admire the resort for its beautiful landscape and homey casitas and cabanas and its aspiration to become a paradise for the weary urban warrior who needs tranquillity for the soul and I think it is a promising tourism destination down south. I also commend the courteous and polite servers and room attendants who are always equipped with answers to every question and need of the clients, not to mention their sunny-warm smiles to which Waraynons are known for.

Above all, I personally salute the think-tank behind the “Bading” restroom. For whatever it is worthy of, I believe the Kuting Reef should be very well lauded for its sensitivity to particularly cater to the third-sex and make sense without being discriminating at all.




*visit the website kuting-reef.com for more pictures

ugop

Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs



SYNOPSIS


The sub-zero heroes from the worldwide blockbusters "Ice Age" and "Ice Age: The Meltdown" are back on an incredible adventure for the ages. Scrat is still trying to nab the ever-elusive nut (while, maybe, finding true love); Manny and Ellie await the birth of their mini-mammoth, Sid the sloth creates his own makeshift family by hijacking some dinosaur eggs; and Diego the saber-toothed tiger wonders if he's growing too "soft" hanging with his pals. On a mission to rescue the hapless Sid, the gang ventures into a mysterious underground world, where they have some close encounters with dinosaurs, battle flora fauna run amuck--and meet a relentless, one-eyed, dino-hunting weasel named Buck.








I think that the ultimate purpose of living is not just purely centered about loving and being loved back or caring for and being cared for in return. Life in general is also about finding genuine people who you can feel with and feel for you too and makes you live and believe that you belong.


Salamat kay Michael Berg. Ang napakamalikhaing writer ng Ice Age 3.


Sabi pa nga ni Sid, the Sloth sa mga itlog ng dinosaur na nakita nya at naisipang ampunin. “Poor guys! I know how it feels like to be abandoned. Don’t worry you won’t feel alone anymore.” Kahit dun nagsimula ang gulo at riot ng mga characters, eh panalo pa din.


Mabuhay ka Sid!

kuwan: muling pagpapakilala, matapos ang mahabang pagkakatulog sa kawalan

Si T'reb, para sa mga hindi lubos na nakakakilala ay..


Nagsusulat sa papel, sa tissue, sa post-it o minsan sa ‘write message’ ng mumurahing cellphone nya para hindi makalimutan ang biglang umusbong na bagong ideya, kakatwa man, kakaiba o karaniwan.


Nagsusulat para makagsalita at mabigkas ang mga nais sabihin.


Nagsusulat para kunyari matalino ang dating sa mga kaibigan at ‘wide-reader.’


Nagsusulat kahit walang dahilan.


Nagsusulat kahit walang maisulat.


Nagsusulat at magsusulat ng kahit na anu:


Pag-ibig.


Pagkabigo.


Tagumpay.


Pagkatalo at pagbangon.


Emosyon tulad ng galit,ganti, gilas at pagpupunyagi.


Nagsusulat at magsusulat kahit ang lahat ay wala ng katuturan pa.

'sang pares ng tsinelas

Noong kabataan ko, nauso ang tsinelas na gawa sa alpombra. Ito yung tsinelas na parang mabalahibo at parang velvet yung material na ginamit sa paggawa kaya masarap at malambot sa paa. Ewan ko kung sadyang ganun ang design ng tsinelas na alpombra pero di ko ma-ekspleka sa sarili ko kung bakit ganun ang design nya. Ito yung tipong ok lang magkapalit ang kaliwa at kanan na pares kasi nga pareho lang ang design at hitsura. Hindi tulad ng karaniwang sapin sa paa – bakya, sapatos, sandalyas at iba pang uri ng tsinelas kung saan alam mo kung alin ang para sa kaliwang paa at kanang paa. Ang sa alpombra, hindi. Pwede mong pagpalit-palitin ng gamit at hindi mo mararamdaman ang pagkakaiba.



At dahil nakahiligan kong suotin ang mga tsinelas na hindi sakin at mas malaki pa sa sukat ng paa ko, minsan nakakapagsuot ako ng alpombrang tsinelas ng mga pinsan ko. Gusto ko kasi yung feeling na mabigat ang sapin sa paa. Parang musika sa tenga ko ang mayabang na ingay ng mga yabag sa sahig gawa ng alpombra sa tuwing ako’y maglalakad.



Sa panahon naman ng aking pagsibol sa kabataan, nauso ang makabagong uri ng tsinelas na tinawag na jelly flip flops. Ito yung may mga matitingkad na kulay ng pastel at may banayad na lambot sa paa. Dito na nauso ang paggamit ng tsinelas sa pagsisimba at pamamasyal sa mall.



Dumating ang impluwensyang Latino sa Pilipinas at napasok ang havaianas flip-flops. Unang sinuot ito sa harap ng telebisyon ni Bamboo habang tumutugtog sa isang concert. Si Heart Evangelista naman, dating Vj ng MYX, ay panatiko na rin ng havainas noong panahong yun.



Gahol sa oras mula sa isang taping, napilitan syang mag-tape ng live sa MYX habang nakasuot ng lace spaghetti strap dress na diumano’y pantulog nya at ng havainas. Dahil wala ng panahon para mag-ayos ng at magpalit, tuoly lang ang live shoot. Dito sumikat ang paggamit ng tsinelas bilang pamalit sa sapatos bilang bagong dagdag sa fashion style ng kabataang Pinoy. Naging malakas ang impluwensya ng Brazilian product na ito na parehong mga estudyante at yuppies ang gumagamit sa mga lakaran at sa araw-araw na gawain , liban na lang sa mga pormal na okasyon.




Sino ba naman ang hindi mahuhumaling sa tsinelas. Ako man ay may apat na pares ng tsinelas na pambahay. Kung praktikalidad lang ang pag-uusapan, panalo na ito. Ito ay madaling isuot at presko sa paa at madaling ibagay sa maraming klase ng damit.




Pero iba ang turing ng namayapang lolo ko sa tsinelas. Nang mauso daw ang tsinelas ng kapanahunan nya ay laking biyaya daw ito kumpara sa hirap at bigat ng bakyang noo’y nasa kasikatan pa. Ngunit para sa kanya, ang tsinelas raw ay para sa bahay lamang. At hindi ito nararapat isuot kung lalabas ng bahay dahil ang mga lakaran sa labas ng bahay ay tungkulin na ng sapatos, o kahit ng mga sandalyas man lang. Espesyal daw kasi ang dulot sa mga pagal na paa ng tsinelas.




Dagdag pa ng lolo ko, ang pag-ibig daw ay parang ganun. Parang isang malambot na pares ng tsinelas sa bahay. Oo nga at ito ay pambahay lang ngunit ito ang pinakaunang hinahanap pag-uwi mo sa bahay upang magbigay ng ibang uri ng ginhawa sa paa.



Ang tsinelas tulad din ng taong tunay mong minamahal ay naghihintay lang sa bahay. Ngunit gaano man kapayak o kasalimuot ang mga pangyayari sa buong araw mo, gaano man kagaganda, kagagwapo o kahali-halina ng mga taong nakilala mo, iisa at iisa lang ang pilit mong uuwian at hahanap-hanapin pag-uwi mo.



Ang pag-ibig habang tumatagal, lalong lumalalim at pinagtitibay ng panahon. Tulad ng ‘sang pares ng tsinelas, habang ginagamit, lalong lumalambot, lalong nagiging maginhawa sa paa.



Ang pagmamahal sa isang tao, sa pagdaan ng panahon ay nagiging isang pamilyar na emosyon na kayang matukoy mula sa iba pang pakiramdam ng tao – galit, pagkamuhi, lungkot, saya’t tuwa, ligaya o maging ng karaniwang libog lang. Tulad ng ‘sang pares ng tsinelas, sa pagdaan ng mga araw at gabi, linggo’t buwan, o maging ng taon ay nagiging isang pamilyar na bahagi na ito ng paa. May kakaibang hagod sa balat at alam ng nagmamay-ari ang pakiramdam ng kanyang tsinelas. Alam nya ang malakutson o magaspang na mga bahagi ng tsinelas nya, ipikit man ang kanyang mga mata. Maging sa dilim.



Mahalo man ang kanyang pares ng tsinelas sa isang kumpol ng mga tsinelas, o mahiwalay ang isang bahagi, alam nya kung saan ito hahanapin ng walang pag-aalala. Tulad ng tunay at dalisay na pag-ibig, babalik at babalik ito sa tunay na kasuyong puso.




Iba-iba man ang turing na bawat tao sa kung anumang uri ng tsinelas ang susuotin nya, tanging sya lang ang may alam kung alin ang magbibigay sa kanya ng kakaibang ginhawa sa paa mula sa buong araw na pagkakabilanggo sa sapatos.



At pag nagkataon, kapag nahanap mo na ang pares ng tsinelas na para sa’yo, wala ng dahilan upang maglakad ng nakayapak sa malamig na sahig. Wala ng rason upang manghiram sa iba. Wala na.

why let go?

There comes a time in your life when you just have to let loose of the tangible things or let go of that special someone who enormously matters to you, so much that you almost lost yourself in the process of making that person feel significant, if not loved and beloved.



You do that not because you want to.



But more importantly, you undertake the long and excruciating agony of letting go because you have to and for the sane reason that letting go is the only right decision that you can do to liberate yourself from the self-inflicted complication.



While it is true that you can shower him with so much love,
Selfless caring and even a vital part of your heart, you cannot coerce him to love you back. Or give you back the same things you have shown him, let alone the littlest genuine caring, or loving.



You can buy his time, but not his attention. You can buy his attention, but not his wandering thoughts. You can buy his train of thoughts, but not his most sincere delivery of what truly unfolds when you two are not together.



You love him. You care for him. But you cannot and will not be able to stop him from leaving you, if he wants to be with someone else instead.



Now that is where the real magic of love and loving truly lies.



In loving without boundaries.
In seeing what is beyond the physical.
Even in times that the soul of love is already trampled on.



But then again, you let loose. You just have to let go, no matter how it hurts. And the only consolation you can get is to appease yourself in the belief that all things will work for what is good.



And for what it is worth, letting go could actually be saving you from the wrong person after all.





I, recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone, yeah
I, recommend walking around naked in your living room, yeah

You live you learn, you love you learn
You cry you learn, you lose you learn
You bleed you learn, you scream you learn


You grieve you learn, you choke you learn
You laugh you learn, you choose you learn
You pray you learn, you ask you learn
You live you learn

-You Learn,
Alanis Morisette

alin?

Likas sa tao ang pagpili. Kasama na dito ang pamimili ng kung anumang higit na mas magaan o mas magbibigay saya o mapagkukunan ng lakas na mga bagay, lunan o tao, personal man na kilala o hindi.



Minsan sa buhay mo, hindi mo man gustuhin o kahit sabihin mo pa man na dahil matalino ka kung kaya’t hindi mo na alintana ang mga kaakibat na suliranin dala ng pamimili, natatapat ka sa pintuan ng mga pagkakataon at panahon na gaano man kahirap sa loob-loob mo o kasakit sa iyong natitirang ego, kailangan talagang mamili ka dahil yun at yun lang ang pinaka-una at pinaka epektibong paraan sa paglaya.



Minsan kahit simpleng tanong lang at siyempre simpleng sagot lang ang kailangan ay doon pa tayo nabobobo.



Alin ang mas masakit : ang magmahal ng taong alam mong may mahal na iba o ang umasang balang-araw, suntok man sa buwan tingnan, ay mamahalin ka rin nya? Di man sa paraang inaasahan at pinakaaasam mo, at least sa paraang alam at kaya lang ng inirog mo.



Alin ang mas matimbang: ang sabihing mahalaga ang isang tao sa’yo dahil yun ang tama o ang sabihing mahal mo ang isang tao dahil yun ang totoo?



Alin ang mas madali: ang mahalin ang taong mahal mo ngunit alam mong hindi ka mahal o ang taong hindi mo kayang mahalin ngunit mahal na mahal ka?



Alin ang mas may kabuluhan: ang kasalukuyang relasyon na umabot na ng halos limang taong puno ng away-bati at ng mga gabing ayaw kang patulugin dahil naninimbang ka kung mahal ka ba talaga nya tulad ng mga malamlam nyang mga pangako o ang masilakbong pag-ibig na tumubo lang sa talulot ng bulaklak ng bagong natagpuang pagkakaibigan?



Alin?

marching march

There are people who have special fondness to a certain month, or in some cases, months. December is well celebrated because at Christmas day, families gather all over the world to celebrate. In fact it is the busiest month of the year for many of us. June and May is proven to be the best months for a wedding. The time is caught between dry and wet season so it is perfect for the honeymooners to stop the world and let it melt in envy of their sweetness. And of course not to mention, the beautiful blossoms that summer brings. What would a wedding be without the hues and colours of flowers?



But luckily for me, the month I deem very significant is the month of March.



Except that it is the month exactly next after February, where most budding love and love relationships come into full bloom, and could be used to evaluate whether the previous month’s hullabaloo about St. Valentine lasted another month long, March for me has become my hint to a year-end ever since I was a school kiddo: no more exams after this month, no more late night studying, no more terror teachers and irritating bully classmates. March, instead, inculcated that mantra in my young mind that it is the month to prelude summer! March is synonymous to fun and frolic in the beach, partying, countless sleep-over at a friend’s house, outdoor outback adventure, camping and simply the only legal alibi to wake up slow in the morning and to couch-potato in a lazy afternoon.


-----



March is also the summary of a student’s quest for knowledge and education all throughout the school year. In fact, it is the month normally when graduations are commenced. Just a few days ago, I covered the graduation exercises of the only night high school in the Eastern Visayas. Most of the graduates were working in different blue-collared jobs by day and went to class by night. Most of them were even older than I am while some, based on a person’s age, should have already been in college.



I felt goose bumps while I was listening to the speech of the class valedictorian who returned sincere gratitude to his teachers and to his Alma Mater, who, according to him accepted the rejects of the society. I felt shame for myself as he went on delivering his proud oration because I do not exactly remember the last time I was so thankful to my university.



The outpour of emotions went on when all the graduates went up the stage to render their graduation song. From where I stood, I saw clearly the pregnant 16 year-old girl whose toga gown could not help hide the mishap she got from her step-father. The next row behind her is where the 47 year-old woman, in a burgundy bob-cut, held hands with her closest classmate in class; I took photo of earlier in the ceremony where she received Class Service Award.



Some students were already crying, some just held their tears. But all of them nonetheless, looked righteously radiant in their white toga gowns, faceless before us and holding nothing for their future but pocketfuls of hope and unabashed willpower.



“I never dreamed that I will be here today. But today is my now and thank you for believing”, echoed in the air.
Right then I stopped taking photos. I just listened to their singing and marvelled to a real life spectacle happening before my eyes.



------


This month I also turned another year older! (confetti and fireworks, included!)Perhaps that will explain why I am biased with March.(rofl!) No, I do not really celebrate my birthday. I mean, yeah I recognize it as the day for what it is, and of course I self-proclaim it that I get an all-access pass with anything and everything that day, devil may care! But its just that I think I am not a kid anymore to embellish some fancy on my birthday.



However, I am still thankful to the people who surprised me with a birthday cake, in the bedroom, just a minute after midnight, eve of my birthday,that is! I was in boxers already when they barged in, Mama Mia! Good thing I was not watching porn (bluff!) online that night! Que horror!



And then when I woke up the same morning, they prepared a sumptuous potluck of lechon, shrimp, kinilaw, grilled fish, BBQ…another birthday cake, black forest this time and a set of delectable flavors of ice cream. So sweet of these people. But I thought I just did not deserve the warm attention.



Anyhow, the day finished with a bang! And I found myself busily replying to all the birthday SMS’ I received since last night. Thank you pips!



-------


Collectively, March has been pretty blissful for me. I have had so many realizations, chance encounters, inadequacies and failures and happy thoughts in my pockets in this month alone. And I guess, it will suffice for now to keep me grounded and going.

faces ( mga hulagway)

Three days ago, through constant prodding of a friend, i joined a local photo contest hosted by a college here in the metro. it was so 'last minute' that i just browsed through my chest of old snapshots i took last year without any single idea what to submit for entry. truth is, i do not memorize by heart all the photos i took though i could easily identify what is mine, without batting an eyelash, that is.



anyhow, i submitted three entries that were supposed to convey a photo story relevant to the theme : technology and society. i had high-hopes about my entries. no, i was not focused on winning. i am still a newbie, and learning still, though i already won 3rd Place in a local amateur photo contest during the Oktubafest in Tacloban.hehe.


instead, i was more excited about being able to join a photo contest again and get the chance to tell people stories i chanced on the streets and captured them in pictures.


these were the entries i submitted.



In His Eyes.



Mother and Child.



A Taste Of Life.




i was elated when my friend told me about the results this morning. i thought it was a good kick-off to make my day. and it did.



pardon my boyish pride but i just could not contain my inner joy about winning the photo contest. i know this is so silly! but hey, let me own this.


this is my Grammy, my Tony and my Oscars or could be my Olympic gold.


p.s. thanks diane.

ikaw

Dumating ka sa buhay ko ng hindi mo sinasadya. Maging ako. At alam ko yun. Wala sa plano ang pagtatagpo natin noon sa ilalim ng sungit ng panahon at manaka nakang ambon. Nakakatuwa yun. At dahil matagal akong dumating sapul sa ating pinag-usapan na oras, pumasok ka ng simbahan upang makinig sa misa. Sana hindi mo ipinanalangin ang pagdating ko. Sana hindi mo ipinanalangin ang araw na yun.

Sinabi kong malapit na’kong dumating kung kaya’t lumabas ka ng simbahan at hindi mo na tinapos ang misa, upang muling maghintay pa dahil ang totoo’y hindi pa ko umaalis ng bahay nun. Hati ang isip ko nun kung magpapakita nga ako sayo.

Matapos ang palitan ng text at tawaran kung tuloy ba ang pagkikita o hindi, nauwi ang usapan sa pagkain ng fishball at malutong na tuksuhan sa bagong bili mong wrist watch sa Everthing 100. Ang cute naman, sabi ko. Sana tama ang hinala kong sinadya mong dumaan na lang sa shop na yun at sinadyang bumili ng relo, kahit wala sa plano, dahil nagbabakasakali kang dumating pa din ako. Sana naghinala ka nun na dadating pa din ako at hindi ako nang-gugudtaym lang.


Masaya ang hapon na yun. Sabi mo pa nga perstaym mo tumambay sa park kasi hindi mo trip. Salamat naman at una yun. At ako ang kasama mo. Pilit kong isinaulo ang mukha mo kasabay ng pagdilim. Nakakaaliw ang mga mata mo. Nakakabaliw ang mga mensahe sa iyong balintataw. Malalim. Malungkot.


Bago ako nakatulog nang gabing yun nagtext ka pa ng “ happy ako knina. Enjoy ako. Astig.” Napangiti lang ako. At sabay yakap sa unan na naghintay sa akin buong araw.


Muling naulit ang mga pagtatagpo. Lunch out. Tambay sa park (ulit!) at laro sa swing. Hanap sa ukay-ukay at bumili ng mga kahit anung kapwa natin gusto. Nood ng sine. Ikot ng downtown at bunuin lang ang maghapon ng walang kapararakang mga bagay-bagay.

Nakakatuwa dahil parang matagal na tayong magkakilala. Parang matalik na magkaibigan na muling nagkita paglipas ng may kung ilang mahabang taon.

Patlang.

At nagkwento ka ng mga karanasan mo at sa mga bagay na mahalaga sa’yo – pamilya, trabaho, kaibigan pati mga bagay na natutunan mo nung mga panahong akala mo kaya mo na ang lahat. Lahat yun.


O kaya’y lahat lamang ng mga bagay-bagay na kaya mong ibahagi at ikwento sa’kin sa ngayon.

Madami yun. Samu’t-sari. May kakatwa. May nakakamangha. May ilan na hindi ko akalaing pinagdaanan mo.

Patlang.


Sini-sino ko ang bawat ngiti mo. Ang mga sulyap mo. O ang mga miminsan mong maiiksi ngunit malulutong na mga tawa. Pinipilit kong namnamin ang mga pagkakataong yun kasi alam ko sa likod nun malungkot ka. At ang mga tawa mo’y baka hindi na maulit pang muli.

Alam kong simbilis ng pagtatagpo natin ay simbilis din ng pag-alis mo.

Kahit ayaw ko.

Alam ko namang hindi kita mapipigilan. Dahil may natural na yabang ka sa katawan. At armas mo yan sa biyahe mo at sa walang katapusan mong paghahanap ng mga sagot sa tanong mo.

Alam kong ang mga bagahe mong dala-dala ay simbigat ng mga karanasan mong pilit mong kinakalimutan. Ngunit hindi mo kayang bitiwan. At iwanan sa nakaraan.

Matapang ka, alam ko. Matalino at maabilidad. Para kang damong ligaw na kahit saang sulok man mapadpad – sa batuhan, sa parang, sa makipot na daan, sa may malapit sa tubigan, sa siwang ng punong tood o sa mga bahagi ng kalupaan na aakalain ng iba’y wala nang pupwede pang mabuhay pa – andun ka. Kasi nga magaling ka. At singlakas ng isip mo ang loob mo.


Patlang.


Pero sana habang nandito ka pa sa tabi ko – nakakaulayaw at nakakalaro. Bayaan mong hilutin ko ang mga bali mo sa pakpak. Hayaan mong paghilumin ko ang mga sugat mo puso at gamutin ang mga pasa sa iyong pagkatao.

Bayaan mong umiyak ako kasama mo at sabay tayong magalit sa kanila.

Umiyak tayo buong araw. Kahit hanggang gabi. Kahit hanggang muling magparaya ang buwan sa muling pagsibol ng bagong araw.

Hanggang wala na tayong iluha pa.

Hanggang ang lahat ay wala nang saysay.


Patlang.


Andito lang ako.

Hihintayin kita.

Hihintayin ko ang pag- uwi mo. Kahit saan ka pa man dalhin ng mga pangarap mo.






The Firefly

I thought I caught a fragile firely
When it beckoned to me with its light last night.
But no, it was the elusive dream that fled when I closed my eyes.

Until it stops burning its little torch,
I shall keep imagining it in my hands
That the world ain’t dark
After all it has done to our innocence.


-cte

waray taytol

akon pagbabataktasan an lima ka-tuig
naton tipakadto ha Magsaysay
pagpapahanginan ha Balyuan,
pagpapahungawan ha may haruhagdanan.
iyawat la bisan lima ka-oras
mahingalimtan ka kadaliay.

mistakes

"i got dirty, i got stinky but see, i learned!" sabi ng bata sa commercial ng gatas.


sana ganun lang kadali. sana ganun lang kabilis pawiin ang mga mali na nagawa mo kahapon.


kaso hindi.


whether you have asked for forgiveness already from people you have wronged and have forgiven yourself, too, in the process, the mistakes are still there. the damage still remains.



and as you go through the long and winding highways of your life, these mistakes remain. only this time with a new-found label - 'bones in the closet'.



but if you choose to live life the hard way and the hard way that it is, then these mistakes should be nothing more than mere bruises.


as for me,the bruises may have hurt me so badly and may have left some serious marks in my young skin, but hey i am not hiding them. i am not ashamed.


these bruises - both the visible and the unseen - have become my new found badge of honor. a constant reminder that i am a soldier. a fighting soldier, no less.


i will fight life. i will fight it hard.


i will give it its game.


"sorry na ha?" sabi ng isa pang bata sa commercial ng gatas.


kung mabasa mo man ito ngayon. o kung hindi man ay bukas. o kaya'y sa isa pang bukas.


sori na ha.





caught at daybreak photo by:joeljosephopinion