thank you

in that same course, we get hurt and we hurt the person we love in the process of loving.









eh ganun talaga, that is how it works! it is not all perks. we have to hurt and be hurt so that it works and for it to be real.









i've been hurting too all this time. now that your are feeling the pain of longing and struggling over letting go, i am hurting more for you. almost dying.









until i am ready to fall and trust again. and invest again. and believe again that love and loving is good and that life is the ultimate gift despite what is has done to our innocence, i shall have to keep my peace.









thank you for staying and keeping our pain and idea of loving real and real. :)

remembering samson

when was the last time you fell in love? so in love you almost lost yourself in the spinning love relationship.

there are many different forms of love. no matter how short or tragic or selfish that love is, regardless of hope and commitment,that love for me is still true love on its own. every piece of love is true love because love is indefinite. it cannot be measured. for to measure it is to define it and to define it is to limit it, but love is beyond that. and that is where the magic of love, loving and being loved in return thrives.

i am reminded of a love relationship that is beyond the confines of one who can understand it. and the Bible never mentioned it. not even once. :)

resolution

the world is full of busy people going about with each of their own engagements trying to prove their legitimate space on this side of the universe.


it is a vast place. but i seem not to care.


amidst the space, traversing up and down and even idling at life's pit stops, i got my own anticipations,longings and disengagements to resolve.


i am alone but i am still positive of your coming. meanwhile, life continues for me.with all these busy people passing by me and through my smallest knit of flesh, i am still alive.


and i am pressing on.

that pill

love is like a drug. it keeps u addicted for some time.it is almost like a mantra that commands you to do things.

it is like the powder that you want to take in first thing in the morning like coffee for that morning caffeine rush because you can't start your day without it.

it is like that capsuled supplement you choose to take to fill in the lack of essentials you missed in a day.

it is almost like a last-song syndrome that strikes you through a song which you can't get over with hence you hum or sing it over and over again,despite the bad tune.

love is so addictive that it controls your thoughts, mood and even decisions.you value it more than your religion. it can also be very manipulative if you are caught off-guard. cause love like a drug is a trap.

but there is something about addiction that does not last long.


it is the temporary happiness that you find in the drug. you enjoy the trade and the perks that comes along with it but you see you have to end it where, because the happy feeling does not make you feel good about yourself anymore.its the feeling that makes you sick with that peculiar feeling of wanting to get over it.

the pain can be very excruciating. though the pain of still craving will kill in the process,you will soon realize that you can actually live less and less of it each day. until you wake up, you don't want it anymore.you won't miss it anymore.

until you find yourself one day realizing that you don't even recognize that same old feeling anymore.

ranting01

if i almost got fired today because i messed up my job, if i just needed somebody to actually come up to me and ask me if i am ok and still hanging on, if i just thought life sucked for me today, if i have skipped dinner because i needed to finish late at work, if my boss doubted if i am really capable of delivering it, if i just needed a friend and a listener to breathe out my woes.. but no one asked, not even you.i have just become familiar face. and this hurts a lot worse than cool-off or break up.i just stopped existing today.

*Hadto (Yesterday )

pahinungod para hadto han pagtikang.
paghinumdum hadton tinikangan. :)


(reliving how it started, recollecting how it begun.) :)

looking back

i had a full year of roller coaster adventures and misadventures. some parts of the year were all fun and happiness while some parts were so trying and pounding i almost gave up on so many things : work,life and you.


but in the end, i realized my life is not really that full of misfortune after all. i had soooo many blessings in fact. though most of it came after every tearful situation.


life is so beautiful. i can't just easily give up on it. why do i need to try hard winning over it when nobody has ever came out of it alive, anyway. (jokes)


life is a gift. and so the year that was - 2009.


hence im still here. living, loving and learning it every way i can.




“How do you measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets,
In midnights, in cups of coffee.
In inches, in miles,
In laughter, in strife.
In 525,600 minutes.
How do you measure
A year in the life?
How about love?”

—JONATHAN LARSON, Rent

kape, ikaw at ako

sometimes in life, there are bonds formed that can never be broken. these bonds experience tarnishing sometimes but gets even lustier and brighter after being polished by tests in forms of temptations and adversities.




such bonds are found in your best friend you met in the college library or the one you sat beside with in Grade 5 and whom you shared your early pubescent secrets: crushes, early disappointments, proud childhood ambitions depicting what you wanted to become when you grow up.



some bonds luckily turn into lifetime commitments like the ones you share with your spouse through marriage while some just opt to commence it in rather non-conventional forms of mutual adult understanding.




in the course of time, when life's demands carry you away from the one you love, these bonds will remind you that you have a best friend, a soul mate, a loyal partner and home to find tranquility, all along.



as for me, i think i will have a lifetime bond with coffee. i have my favorite way of mixing up my morning drink booster. i even have my dosage of a cup of coffee anytime of the day i crave for it, during breakfast, just before lunch, in a lazy afternoon break or even at night when i need to finish a project and just cant start up my motor running.





a cup of coffee had been my solace and my secret weapon at the same time. when i am mad, a cup of coffee can keep me company in a corner. Every sensual retreat of my lips to the brim of the cup for that little quiet sip brings therapeutic soothing to my bruised ego and cursed pride.

when i am unfocused, the aroma in the cold air snaps me back to reality.

when i am about to call it quits for the day, a mere hold to the warm cup brings equal warm sensation to my palms and delivers rejuvenation for yet another game with life. total bliss.insurmountable feeling.




and as i continue to sojourn to this so called life or traverse the unfamiliar thoroughfare, i think i will be able to take the turns after every corner as long as i have a cup of coffee with me, to get me by and by.








*amelia pc,staffh, doctian at flickr.com